Are you a human screensaver or Jedi level listener??

👂 Listen with your ears, not your mouth!

Most people think they’re good listeners.

Most people are wrong.

How would you rate your listening skills?

What do you think it means when someone says: "Listen with your ears, not your mouth"?

It’s a rather blunt way of saying: stop waiting for your turn to talk and pretending that you’re listening.

We think we’re listening, but most of us are just standing there, mentally polishing our next dazzling response while the other person’s words drift past like the safety briefing on a flight you’ve taken a hundred times.

The truth? Listening is a skill.

It has levels. And unless you’ve trained for it and practise it with intent, you’re probably not operating at the level you think you are.

Here’s a whistle-stop tour through the Four Listening Levels.

4 Listening Levels from human screensaver up to Jedi level listening.

Level 1 – Cosmetic / Pretend Listening

This is “smile-and-nod” mode. The human screensaver.

You’ve tilted your head just enough to look engaged, thrown in a few “uh-huhs” for effect, and are maintaining an expression that says “I’m with you” while your brain is busy deciding between Thai or Italian for dinner.

You might even sprinkle in a strategic eyebrow raise, like a garnish, to make it seem like you’re deeply following along. Spoiler: you’re not.

It’s the conversational equivalent of nodding along in the pub while someone explains the offside rule.

It looks like listening. It feels like multitasking. It’s actually… lying with your face.

Level 2 – Listening to Respond

Ah yes, the most common and the sneakiest trap.

You think you’re listening, but you’re actually doing one of the following:

• Loading your rebuttal: “Just wait until I tell them why they’re wrong.”

• Polishing your anecdote: “This reminds me of the time I…”

• Prepping the quick fix: “What they really need to do is…”

You’re hearing the words, but only as raw material to build your own next sentence. You might even interrupt, not because you’re rude (well, maybe a little), but because you’re that excited to drop your point in before the topic moves on.

Here’s the big question: when you listen like this, does the other person actually feel heard? If the answer’s “probably not”... that’s your red flag.

This is what I call competitive listening. You’re not receiving, you’re polishing your comeback.

Level 3 – Active Listening

Finally, the good stuff.

You’re focused on the speaker, not yourself. You’re asking questions, paraphrasing, checking you’ve understood… but more importantly, you’re holding yourself in real curiosity.

That means you’re not just listening for your turn, your proof, or your “gotcha” moment. You’re listening because you genuinely want to understand what’s going on in their world.

And here’s the key: you don’t take the conversation away from them. You keep it on them.

You resist the urge to jump in with your own story or “me too” moment unless it genuinely serves their train of thought.

It’s about staying open, asking “What else?” and “Tell me more” instead of rushing to the next thought in your own head.

A lot of my clients ask how to use their own stories to build rapport and connection. Done well, it can be incredibly powerful. I help them develop techniques for weaving in personal examples in a way that supports the other person’s experience, rather than hijacking it (and sliding back into Level 2).

This is where people truly start to feel heard. And that’s gold in any relationship or workplace.

Level 4 – Deep / Global Listening

🧙This is Jedi-level.

You’re tuned into the words and the silences. You notice the shift in tone, the body, the breath, the hesitation. You’re aware of the nervous system signals. You hear what’s being said and what’s NOT being said.

Great coaches are exceptionally skilled at this, and it’s not an accident. It takes training, experience, practice, and intent to hold this level of attention without slipping back into the shallower levels.

Being in conversation with someone who can truly do this is epic. You feel fully seen, deeply understood, and often surprised at what you end up saying, because the quality of their listening pulls insights out of you that you didn’t even know were there.

At this level, you don’t just listen to reply. You listen in service of their thinking, not yours, so they can discover their own answers.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

Most communication problems (at home, in teams, in boardrooms, etc) aren’t because people can’t talk. It’s because they can’t listen.

And here’s the kicker: listening is just the start. If you want to:

• Diffuse conflict before it erupts

• Build trust faster than months of small talk ever could

• Get people to share the stuff that actually matters

…you need a whole skillset that goes way beyond “nodding while someone talks”.

This Is Where I Come In

I help leaders, teams, and ambitious individuals level up their communication so it’s not just functional …it’s transformational.

It’s neuroscience meets real-world coaching meets “no more hiding behind your laptop while pretending you’re listening”.

Whether you want:

• Individual coaching to sharpen your listening and influence skills

• Organisation-wide programmes that turn communication into your competitive advantage

I can help you create the kind of conversations where people walk away thinking: "Wow… they really got me."

Because when you listen with your ears (and your brain, and your intuition)…

You don’t just hear.

You lead.

You connect.

You win.

 💬 If you’d like to take your listening skills from “forming your response” to Jedi level listening, for yourself, your team or your organisation: get in touch to start the conversation.